Fixed Gear idiocy

Fixed gear bikes are a great training tool for small children who are learning to ride a bike for the first time, along with the necessary helmet and training wheels. Maybe wrist guards, everything else they can throw some dirt on when it gets cut and skinned.

Recently, however, a huge wave of fixed gear bikes have been seen across the country being propelled by giant man and women children known as "hipsters" or as common man would say, idiots who are so starved for attention that they'll do whatever it takes to get so much as a glance from the nearest passerby.

I suppose it's because these bikes are a connection not only to their childhood which they show off in public since it has been long forgot which in turn makes it "nostalgic" and everybody knows that nostalgia is just so hip, but it is also a connection to their current maturity be it that of a seven or five year old.

Seriously though, these bikes are horrible for a multitude of reasons but I think it's best to start at the most glaringly obvious fault in these machines. If you want to move forwards you ALWAYS have to pedal. Have fun getting up a steep incline and not being able to choose the appropriate gear so it doesn't feel like you're scaling a mountain. Going down a steep hill and just want to coast? Too bad, either go slow like you have to or risk dieing at the bottom due to your feet being off the pedals that are now flying so fast that there's no way in hell you're going to be able to put your feet back onto them to stop.

That brings me to the second fault, you have to make the pedals stop moving in order to brake. That's right, you can't just simply squeeze a handbrake while keeping your legs at a stable position, you have to push backwards and use YOUR leg strength to stop.

I'm going to skip all of the other points I could make about this issue and just end it with this. You look like a damn fool riding your fixed gear bike, it isn't cool and you're wasting your stupid time you idiot.

I hate every hipster and I hope they all fall into a pit of mountain bikes, PCs, and normal clothing. They'll probably die just from looking at so much "unhip" stuff.

Critical Mass

Wow, I don't know what I should focus on for this one. First off, bikers in the city are totally lame. Now, of course there are the ones who ride properly and don't blatantly ignore traffic laws, but that is not the majority of bikers. Critical mass is the mass (duh) gathering of bikers who act like jerks, block countless amounts of traffic, and disrupt the normal flow of things. Why do they do this? To show that bikes are just as important as cars, and that they're not an inconvenience to people. Seriously? I would elaborate more on this topic, but you all know how terrible critical mass is.